Once a month, in a perfectly average living room that has seen far too much emotional intensity, a group known as The Domestic Incident Response Committee gathers to discuss problems no normal person would ever classify as problems. Their slogan: “If it happened indoors, it mattered.”
The first incident report of the evening came from Claire, who brought photographic evidence of a single biscuit crumb that had rolled off a plate and onto the carpet. She described it as “a moment of chaos, betrayal, and gravity,” and before she could even finish, someone loudly declared carpet cleaning bristol like they were calling for medical assistance.
Next, Martin stood up to discuss “The Great Cushion Collapse,” a devastating event in which a sofa cushion deflated slightly during a nap. He reenacted the moment in slow-motion, complete with dramatic sighs. The room gasped. A woman fanned herself. Someone whispered sofa cleaning bristol as though delivering tragic news.
Then came the case of Mattress Monday, a day Sandra claimed she “lost all trust in bedding.” She had discovered a mystery crumb under the sheets and was convinced it was “either toast or emotional symbolism.” Her official solution? A trembling recommendation for mattress cleaning bristol, which received a standing ovation no one fully understood.
The committee then reviewed a report titled: “Chair Upholstery and the Psychological Effects of Invisible Stains.” Alan, the presenter, brought a magnifying glass, a notebook, and the seriousness of a courtroom lawyer. His closing statement—upholstery cleaning bristol—was delivered in the same tone one reserves for historic speeches.
Finally, the evening’s emergency alert: Rug Situation Level 3. A snack had fallen, rolled, bounced, and disappeared beneath a patterned rug. “We don’t know where it is,” said the witness. “But it’s still there.” The room fell into horror. One person bowed their head. The only acceptable response: rug cleaning bristol.
By the end of the meeting, these dramatic citizens had achieved:
✅ Zero solutions
✅ Five emotional monologues
✅ An official Crumb Severity Scale (1 = ignorable, 5 = life-changing)
And, as always, the group reaffirmed its five eternal truths:
carpet cleaning bristol
sofa cleaning bristol
upholstery cleaning bristol
mattress cleaning bristol
rug cleaning bristol
The meeting ended with their traditional closing words:
“Stay alert. Stay dramatic. No crumb goes unreported.”
They said it with pride.
And probably a clipboard.
